dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
