Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it because I queefed?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
