So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize