Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
