the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
