Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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