Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
