So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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