Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
