He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
