Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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