Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
