he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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