It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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