I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
