I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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