i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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