i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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