he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
