He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
