Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
