i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
