He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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