She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize