i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
