i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Come back. Shots need mouths.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
