Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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