I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
