u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
