I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
bring money and cleavage
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
