I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
