remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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