I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
