Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize