Yo dont text me then not text me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
