We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
