I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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