Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
