i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
