I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
