I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
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