I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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