What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
