Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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