Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
