Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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