I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize