see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize