Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
