We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
