Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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