is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
