How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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