Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
