would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
