Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
