her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
