just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
