sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
