btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need moral support for this bender
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
