And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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