Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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