I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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