I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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