i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i came on her dog
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
