margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
