I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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