Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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