woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
