Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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