I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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