Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
