I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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