No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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