my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
