They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
