he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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