If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
