ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
