My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
