we have pet lesbian snakes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
