Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
